You know those days when you really have to go to the bathroom and you feel soo lazy that you just don’t feel like getting up? Is one thing when you home but when you at work is an adventure. Why do people (I can only speak for the women here), why do they have this incessant need to conversate with you while you are on the bowl. Now I’m as unfriendly as the next person, I doh generally want to tall to anybody but I doh understand this need to have conversations about my children with someone at work in the toilet while I trying to pull my pants down because I wait too long at my desk.

So, why, why, why? Does the sound  of the noisy flush make a conversation that more interesting? We won’t talk about the other sounds and smells eh. We all know women doh do dem things.
I doh know bout you but the sounds of a flushing toilet and pee (sorry urine for you sensitive types) hittin a porcelain bowl does not a sonnet make. People go in there for reasons, an all ah dem reasons private. I doh want to hear what yuh husband buy you. I doh want to know what your children do. Now if went for a walk and fall an roll down ah hill or something den dat funny. I mean I go show the expected sympathy and den laugh when yuh turn yuh back. That is news, if you talking about somebody else well den yuh just wicked and yuh gossiping. But if I passing it on, then is a public interest story.

Lord an doh forget in this day an age when you have to know what everybody doing an yuh have to stay connected. Why de ass you have to take you cell phone in the toilet? Imagine you talking to somebody and all you hearing is toilet flushing in he background. “so yuh to dat party or wha” … flush… “ yeah I going but I doh know what I wearing” … flush… Really, yuh cyah get privacy in a public place because guess what in the blasted toilet yuh conversation will carry.
What about when dey talking a language yuh doh understand. How rude, how  dey expect you to listen to dey business if you doh speak the language?  I want one ah dem  universal translators, so that I will just know what dey sayin and den bitch about why I have to hear dey conversation. 
When yuh hear dem, is to just keep flushing de damn toilet. What? Dey gonn ask you why you flushing the toilet?

See I have this friend right and fuh some reason every time she boyfriend on eh bowl he does feel like calling she and everytime he talking to she he does have the need to tell she that she shouldn’ ask him wey he is or what he doing. so of course she know what he doing. Now I say that he is a backside because you know you could actually take yuh dump without letting the other person on the phone know dat you actually calling them when you on the bowl. She say how she find it gross and ask me why I think he do that so  I tell she that she must remind him of shit because he seems to like calling she when he on the bowl. For some reason she doh really talk to me much anymore! I doh know why doh!

I feel I have to do like Sheldon and just send out a bathroom schedule so that people know I there and I doh want to talk to you while I listen to the bathroom sonnet.

Dis is not the place for conversations should not be had but if you insist ohhhhh gawwwddddd!!!! keep it to 140 characters of less nah!!!

Madame Joy