I real patient eh. I mean real patient. I will even go so far as to say I am one of the most patient people out dey but I tell you drivers will send me to jail.
Why, why, why people seem to think that dey time more valuable than yours. Contrary to what Tulip say, I doh hate a lot a things eh. Hate is a strong word, most things, I just intensely dislike! but… I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I HATE TRAFFIC!!!!
There is only one ting I hate more than traffic and is dem chuoppid asss people that feel the road belong to dem. So not only you stuck in traffic but you stuck behind a man (an yes is usually a man) who decide he doh want to touch he break pedal so he keeping space between him and the next car so he car can just coast on down the road. Now I doh mean a car length eh, after all for safety sake you should at least be able to see the wheels of the car in front of you! I mean enough space that you could pick up ah 18 wheeler and jus place it between this jackass and the next car in front of him.
The same way you have a right to cruise, I have the right to run you rass off the road because you jus plain chuppid. Now I understand why my daughter doh want me to drive ah 18 wheeler. There just might be some anger issues here.
The other morning Ruby and I going to work. We listening to some smooth Beres Hammond, we relax, listening and ready to rock away as the traffic goes slowly on its way. Then all off a sudden we end up behind this white Benz, and is always them people that drive the most expensive cars that does do this kinda chippiness eh! Yes the degree of the chuppidity increases with the cost of the car. Just sayin!
I have a lot of visions while driving. You know like the red witch in GOT, except she seem to be more wrong than right but of course I always right. It seems that since Ruby and I together, I getting a bit more of these visions . I not sure if that is a good thing or a bad but hey, what ya gonna do. And is on one of these slow drives in that I came up with the idea. I must confess this was pre Ruby, she just makes me think about it more now. Just to clear things up, I had this name long before Jim Carey used it in his movie, I just forget that I had it.
It’s called “The Claw”. It works by remote or voice. Just to show you how advance my people is, you could even work it from your smartphone but only when you at a stand sill, I doh want you to get no ticket. Cause I not paying it.
All you need to do is call out the license plate of the perpetrator (we doh want no innocent people getting hurt) and Simon will float on over and just drop his claw, pick up the car and just fling it away.
As you know I do not condone violence so, Veronica will be working with Simon (you know Veronica, she was built to contain the Hulk, except she sucked and he still get out, yeah her. Apparently she lose she job because of that little shenanigan. Well, I have she and she will catch the car in a padded net and gently place the jackass at the back if the line. Now if Mr man didn’t learn from that experience then, we have a redial feature that will quickly remind him to straighten up and fly right. Oh yeah, Simon claws padded to eh. We doh want to damage the car, is not the car fault that the driver chupid!
Well am… de government didn’t give us approval for mass production yet but if allyuh want to hire the prototype then contact me and we go work something out.
Eh, just remember this ting not approved for production yet, so if you and yours or somebody else get damages doh call me eh! Just Sayin!