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OK, yeah well ammm well back in whatever month it was I tell allhyuh that I was going to bring sexy back. I had Mr Shaun T with he cute self, Miss Keaira with she even cuter sellf and my shorts on my side and it was on.
Well, I was behind Sexy eh, she turn around, take one look at me back back and then take off round the corner and I never see she since then. So in an effort to bring sexy back (again). I buy a pedometer. Now Tulip make me buy the one I buy because she say “I know you will complain if it doh do blah, blah,blah”. Most ah what she does tell me does turn into “blah, blah, blah” but that is my secret, she will never know! She does talk too damn much!
I tell yuh eh, when I actually see how many steps I was taking during the day, I feel so shame. I figure I might as well sit my ass down because it not even a ¼ of the 10,000 they recommend you take every day.10,000!!!! On top ah dat de chupid thing keep falling off so yuh know I blame Tulip because make me buy that one, the fact that I was too cheap to pay more that $10.00 is irrelevant. Is she fault!.
Not giving up. I decide to add more vegetables, just saying the word gives me shivers, to my meals, cut down on the bread and rice. I didn’t say cut out eh people . I say cut down. But you see this age business… I just have to eat something and my blasted belly swell out like I pregnant. I just waiting for somebody to ask me if I pregnant. Yuh know I not denying it eh. I mean, come on, I cyah tell dem that I jus fat. And it will make them feel like crap when they realize fuh dey own chuppid self that I not pregnant adn that they should mention something like that unless they know for a fact that the person pregnant! Jus Sayin!
Now I decided that I going back to my Yoga (yes, again Tulip). So go online to find one. Of course is a bony ass girl name Padawhana something or the other and she have a 14 day intermediate yoga challenge program. I was intermediate eh and hey, 14 days. I could do that. I mean they say you do it to the best of your ability right? If you can’t distort your body in the way that God did not intend, is ok.
So I start, one minute in, she start the with some floor stretching. She bend over and touch she toes while she sitting on the floor. Simple enough right, well she didn cater for the abdominal area in my frontal region. I cyah talk about the breasts because when God was given out brest he send me to pick fruits and I miss it. I wasn dey! I think that stretch probably dislocate some organs from my body eh cause I coulda swear something was moving around inside me and it wasn no baby!
Now what get me even vexer with this blasted woman is that she keep talking about the blasted sweet spot. You know that spot that all these blasted exercise junkies does call the good stretch and what other descriptions they have for it. Well I DOES CALL IT PAIN. IS FLIPPING PAIN! AIN’T NOTHING BLASTED SWEET ABOUT IT!!!
So somebody pray fuh meh but them Yogi people have to take a back seat fun now.
Dey could sit in that desert and cross they leg until I remove some of this reverse camel hump storage that I have to carry. I decide to go to the gym now!
The is only thing worse than having to hear about this sweet spot nonsense and that is the fact that you have to reduce your alcohol!
Now allyuh magine, if I just sexy and i know it now, just imagine what will happen when i get too sexy! Jus Sayin!