My mother tell me I am a Roman Catholic and my Aunt tell me that I am a Protestant. Since I could not argue with either one without possibly getting ah backhand and since I am a Libra (merry unbirthday to me) I will straddle the middle to maintain the balance between the two. I tried a few Pentecostal churches. Now going from no church to Pentecostal church was to say the least eye opening and at times a little bit frightening. Dem people very energetic! I have decided that I will straddle that middle again. All this to welcome you to Ash Wednesday. All you heathens and sinners out there, time tuh do some work and sacrifice for your soul. We doh want Lucifer to get it, but lord have mercy if is that new Lucifer they have on TV , well I done dead aready. That man definitely defines the heat that he lives in. Whooo, can I get a hanky, i sweating! I sorry eh Lord. Didn’t mean to use yuh name so!
Anyways, you dutty minded people.
What are you going to give up for lent? And I sure now that Trinidad Carnival and Mardi Gras done, some ah allyuh really should not show your face in a church for the next few years. You need some daily cleansing, even bleach cyah remove dat stain. Jus Sayin’!
Look I just have 10 things fuh you tuh do. Just 10. Give it a try!
1) Swearing, people does cuss to damn much and dey doh even know why de ass they cussing! So stop it!
2) I not chuppid, I was tested, I know you not gonna give up social media, but try, just try to stop posting all yuh blasted life on flipping face book. Who cares if you just get on a bus? Or where you leaving from? Why the ass you have to check in and let me know you just get to a restaurant? But if I waiting for you you better damn well check in. even though l won’t be.
3) Credit cards, they say you should stop living on credit. But you realize is only people who have blasted cash that does tell you stop using credit? Do you? and I not talking about them chuppid people who feel dat they have to show you how large dey living when dey doh even have proper furniture in dey damn house.
4) Doh watch dat new show Lucifer, he will make you sell your soul. You know dat part when he say “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine” oooohhhh!!!! Do not rip it all of ladies or gents. People, please is Lent. Stop it!
5) With that said Pornography. Now my question is this, since porn is watching people have intimate relations (sound nice eh!), then is it considered porn if you watch yourself have intimate relations? So none ah dat fuh Lent!
6) Negativity… well we all need to be more positive in general. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. That means you will get more wrinkles if you frown. So when you see that damn ass walk by or dey say something blasted chuppid… when you cuss them ( I mean give them some encouraging feedback), do it with a smile!
7) Alcohol… Yup, it had to be there. you know that whole ting with if life gives you lemons make lemonade nonsense and I tell you to make Mojitos? Well for Lent, sorry I have to say it. Make a virgin Mojito. Oh Lord ah sorry, it even hurt me to think it.
8) Dress… we all know them, we all see them. The ones with the tramp stamp and is not the tattoo I talkin about. Ladies comport yourself in a way that will allow you to always be respected. We know you have the right to hussy yuh self up but dat doh mean you have to do it.
9) Gossip… we all do it, doh shake yuh head. But for Lent we go try and do it less. Notice I didn say not do it cause you know some ah de biggest gossipers come from Church people. Jus Sayin’!
10) Judging… ok sorry I cyah do noting about. Everybody does judge, be it good or bad we all do it. just accept an move on honey.
p.s. I did end up finding my baptism certificate, it seems like my mother was right. Sorry Tante! Who knew! Well actually they knew, cause they say that “Mother knows best” but usually when they say that, the mother mad and she trying to kill somebody. Jus Sayin’!
Madame Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice:
Let’s celebrate the end of Lent by doing everything we pretended to give up for Lent.