Disclaimer: The story you are about to hear is true. Is really true. Although they should be fictitious, the people real. Is pure coincidence that they may resemble, sound like or act like anyone I know now or may have known in the past.  Is a fluke! The names fictitious to eh! Is not my tulip I talking about.

Friday January 22nd 2016. It was a beautiful winter day and I take my chuppid self and decide that I will take Tulip out to dinner for her birthday. Even though she had the damn nerve to have she birthday when it was not a pay week. Her selfishness never ceases to amaze me!  Since I am the awesome person that I am, I will never mention that again (today). I made my plans with the ladies, the sun was setting and everyone was calm and happy. Until that fateful call.  You know you always have a friend that doh damn well listen and then call you to ask to repeat the same damn thing that you tell them already. Yeah that call!

Tulip and I get there first right, Tulip harass the poor young man to make sure he get us a drink that have real rum in it and not flavour-o-rum! Cyah take them kinda people noway boy. I was so embarrassed.  The drink was really good though eh! Of course we get a call from that miserable friend again because, lord help me.

Women are dangerous eh, always remember that. Most women talk about shoes, babies, and shopping and all that other nonsense but not these women. Our conversation went from: oh the portion are large here to how to stab someone without them knowing that they get stab. I know how to do that now. so allyuh watch out.  From how does your food taste to oh yeah, hiring a hit man. Even better doing the hit yourself without getting caught. That drink was really nice. I cyah tell you all that was talked about because I might have to kill yuh and as you know Joyspirations doh condone violence.  No witnesss! Witnesses disappear! We doh know wey they go but dey always seem to go somewhere and never return.

An get this, besides being so inconsiderate as to have she birthday fall on a NON-PAY week. I tell that girl, since is your birthday I will allow her $15. After the drink that leave $8.00 and that blasted Tulip decide that she not buying from the dollar menu! She decide is her birthday and she want to eat real food. You believe that? You know I not taking she anywhere again eh!
Oh yeah did I mention that one of them try to kill she self  right day in front ah everybody? She decided she wanted strawberries and mention after she start eating it that SHE FLIPPING ALLERGIC TO FLIPPING STRAWBERRIES!!! But they did look good. I must admit. Oh and the piece de resistance, the blasted woman did NOT, I repeat DID NOT, have her epi-pen!!!

Lord take me know because these people you send fuh me trying to kill me slowly. I guess I should thank you because it have two other hooligans that wasn’t there.  You know who you are so doh call me!

After a lovely night, of good food, great conversation not enough alcohol because we had to drive, (that’s right people, they weren’t even drunk, we cyah even blame it on the alcohol) and almost closing down the restaurant, we all said good night. Oh yeah and good friends too, I forget that.
We will be doing it again. Yes, I going because after listening to these women and knowing that they know where I live, I fraid to say no.

Moral of the story. Tulip could well choose a drink and most importantly, I really need to get a new set ah friends!

p.s. I was totally innocent!  i did not thing but try to run when the bill come. Just Saying!