2016 – New Attitude. Well I decided to really do it from scratch. Since my children big, I sell my house, move back to my island and find a nice place up on the mountain and build up my “shack”. Of course, I put in a flushing toilet because I not doing that latrine ting again. Too many memories of cockroach touching my bottom and night visits to dat ting, that was  traumatic enough. That ain happening again. Oh, the breeze, the fresh air… it really nice. I have my lovely garden, the kids coming to visit next month. Thank you lord, all is good. Then I wake up!
Ok, back to reality, 2016 – New Attitude. With the exception of drugs, alcohol, chicken heads, excessive swearing, showing off and just shameful display of vanity. I developed a liking for the Wil.I.Am song “Feeling Myself”. So this year, I start to feel myself. Not like that allyuh perverted women, an yes I know is the women. My goal, I will go with 1/3 of the six pack and if I can get that ass, then I good. Allyuh , do come up and touch my ass, you know you your are! T!!!

I got a nutritionist, I now know I am not a hypochondriac. She had me tested Tulip! I have an osteopath, because I thought my body was falling apart. She tested and yes, she confirmed it, it’s falling apart.

I decide I will do the exercise because the exercise is good for you. But I not just going to do any kinda exercise. I going back to my roots. Is Soca time. I mean, I been dancing to Soca and Reggae since I could move. It will be fun! It won’t feel like exercise! I have my target shorts for the summer. I ready to go. So for luck, I wearing it every time I work out and I not washing it until I reach my goal. You know like Michael Jordan in Space Jam.

Since the Google knows everything, I sought his wisdom. In comes Miss Keaira Lashae. First thought: She’s beautiful. Next one: oh gawd ah go dead cause you know how them pretty people wicked. They use their hypnotic smile and great personality to lure you in like the Sirens and then they try tuh kill you. #ShaunT. For shit sakes even she damn name sexy.

The funny thing about dancing is that when you have to follow choreography, somehow the thing that you thought you was good at make you look like you having some kinda seizure. The woman say ben and turn so and I was doing that but somehow when really look, it didn’t look like what she was doing.

An them “little” jumps and turn, after the first crack of my knees I realize that this woman is a sadomasochist and she really need to stop that blasted smiling and blasted encouragement because I don’t buy it. AND on top of that, she actually enjoy what she doing. Lord have mercy on my soul. Why Tulip sen me.

Maybe I will just stick with Yoga, so I would let them people who look like they doh have no bones in dey body make me feel like a robot because I cyah twis up so. I could listen to them tell me to go at my own pace, while I watch some boneless participant ben up she body until she head almost up she ass. But at least I will be on a mat and I can just stay in child pose. Just to spice it up, I do Cat and Cow pose.  Those are official poses, so it counts.

So we (by we, I mean I) have decided in the event that we do not accomplish the ultimate goal of the sexy back series because the fact is that we just to lazy and like to eat. Even thought he is no longer with us, we will be perfectly happy accepting the 2Pac of the six and as for the ass, well I could always buy one ah dem panty for that. It even come with the crack, so who will know it not real?

Allyuh not killin me!

Find the song and groove baby and get the one with the cussing too.. and make sure you cuss.. but doh do it arould teh kids. Set abetter ecaplme that than nah. Lord! Here’s a little … whoooooo… oohhh…go Miley!

Look up in the mirror
And the mirror look at me
The mirror be like baby you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit
God dammit you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit

Madame Joy