Dear Madame Joy
I went shopping with my best friend yesterday. There was a gaggle of women in the changing room going on and on about the clothes they were trying on.
This in itself I find a tad annoying but what really got my goat was the following comment from one of those women. “I bought this piece because it has tummy control”. If you looked at this woman, you would swear she was a scarecrow with the straw taken out. I am not one to run from food. I love to eat and as a result I have a bit of what I like to call to call “a chocolate covered muffin top, with a sprinkle of red wine icing”. I have also had a bit of an issue getting rid of the last 60 pounds of baby weight. Hearing this comment and looking her and then back to myself, I literally wanted to pick her up, snap her in two and say “control this!”. Yes, so there is a bit of difference in our weights. Basically if stuck on a desert island and you had to eat someone, she would be the one you use to skewer parts of my body over the fire pit. After all eating raw flesh is just nasty.
I’m not hating but come on!!! I’m not even sure she knows what it means to weight more than 100 pounds. After unchoking myself trying to stop the comment I would have made, I decided to vent a little and get your opinion on this.
Unskinny bitch.
Dear Unskinny Bitch,
Thank You!
The only thing worse than a gaggle of women talking about clothes, is a gaggle talking about clothes, shoes, babies and husbands. At one time in my life I used to be like what I like to call “Elegantly slim”. As I’ve gotten older , there has been some changes. I wish I could blame it on the pregnancies but alas, as we all know the baby fat goes away on its own in 90% of women. There are those unfortunate 5% that have a problem getting rid of it and there is the last 5%. Yes, us. The ones who use it as a get out of jail free all you can eat because you are doing it for the baby, right? Right! She is either insecure or vain, possibly both. If you weigh 5 pounds when wet and you still need someone to confirm how awesome you are, then your issues are a lot more restrictive than that control top. This is like watching someone shovel food into their mouth all the while complaining about how much they have to pay for Spanks because they can’t seem to fit into their clothes anymore. Some of these women are gym robots who eat bush and no carbs because they’ll put on a pound.
I think an appropriate response without being too mean would be to agree with her, you know console her. Offer up something along the lines of: “Oh my gosh, that’s so true. Thank god for the control top, at least it will hide your belly a bit more and it’s definitely cheaper than spanks.”
Cheat days were made for gamblers and they usually end of dead when they get caught. So you see, you cheat you die! Thant means that everything is good in moderation, she will never enjoy food like you do and you better enjoy it baby. Go head with your bad self!
Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity.
p.s. You lick that frosting baby, but don’t tell Doctor Oz because he wants you to lose it.
Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you!
Madame Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice:
Remember “Life is as you see it”. Meaning: the harsh reality you are actually experiencing is just a dream. When you wake up, if what you see is what you experienced in your dream, just turn over go back to sleep. If it’s still the same then just repeat until it changes.