Dear Madame Joy,

It’s the holiday season and our office party is right around the corner. This year, however, I am a bit hesitant to go.
Although, I have no recollection of it, office rumor has it that at last year’s event, I had a bit too much to drink and I got a little too personal with one of the men at the company.

When I heard what happened, I sought him out and apologized profusely for my behavior. After all, I am not that kind of woman. Fortunately the individual does not work in my department, so I don’t see him on a regular basis.
This year it seems like there is an office pool on what my behavior will be at this year’s party.

One one hand, I feel a bit anxious about whether I should attend or not. On the other hand if I don’t make an appearance it would look bad on me.

Madame Joy, what should I do? Should I attend party?
Life of the Party!

Dear Life of the party,
Thank You!

Oh gosh, doh feel bad, is not your fault. You suffer from what I call de “Closet Ho Syndrome”. Yuh know dem people who does walk around with allyuh nose up in de air acting all prim and proper but put a drink in allyuh and all hell does break loose. I discuss the syndrome in my new book, “Closet Ho’s, Myth or Reality – Come On Baby Back That Thang Up”

Gyul, if I was your mother I woulda buss your ass. Dis ain’t no damn T’Pain song, doh blame it on de alcohol. Alcohol does only free yuh up tuh do and saw what yuh want an den blame it on the booze. Now, I not talking about dis particular situation eh, so doh write meh and tell me noting.

Woman own yuh ho-dom! You did it, it done. Move on!
Not that kinda woman eh, well yuh alter ego Horiette might have something tuh say about that! Jus Sayin!

Anxious? Put on yuh pretty frock and step out gyul.  Yuh realize dat nobody holding yuh down an pouring anything in yuh mouth, unless of course yuh into dat den, you go girl!

You is a grown ass woman. Yuh know yuh cyah handle yuh alcohol, so here’s an idea, DOH BLASTED DRINK TUH DE POINT THAT YUH MAKING OUT WITH AH MAN DAT YUH DOH EVEN KNOW. Imagine he was married and his wife was dey, oooogggooooodddddd!!!!  She woulda buss dem man ass an when she done with you!!! lord have mercy on your soul.  Gyul, she would open up a can a cutass on you I bet yuh woulda never drink again!
If two is yuh limit, have one. Make sense no? Ah tell allyuh common sense not so common these dam days boy!

Lord have mercy I doh know why I wasting my time with chuppid people. Imagine I have to tell a woman who cyah handle she alcohol not tuh drink too much. Imagine that! We doomed, no wonder the aliens just flying past Earth. We jus not ready!

Is a good ting I find inner peace boy. Ah know allyuh could feel de difference in me. Allyuh welcome eh! Especially Tulip, if anybody need inner peace is she.

p.s. If yuh cyah get over it, den yuh need tuh find another blasted job!

Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you! Well except fuh de day when we not.

Madame Joy

Joyspirations© Daily Advice:

OK, today ah have a joke fuh allyuh:
Allyuh hear the one about Santa Clause and he sexual harassment trial? No, well leh me tell yuh about he. De lawer was questioning him and he didn want tuh answer. so de lawer tutn tyuh him angain say “I’ll ask you again sir! Did you or did you not look at my client and in a crowded shopping mall, in front of her children call her, not once, not twice but three times …

allyuh get it… ah “HO” “ Oh lard, meh belly, that one does never get ole.