Dear Madame Joy,
Ever since we were kids, my best friend and I talked about moving in together. We couldn’t wait to move out, the idea of being independent and no longer having to deal with constant questions and hassle from our parents was awesome!!
A few months ago we found a great apartment in a great neighborhood, so we grabbed it. After settling in, it didn’t take long for my bubble to burst. I soon realized that I would be taking on the role of a parent.
The issue is my best friend. To say she is a slob is an understatement. I am constantly cleaning up after her or asking her to clean up after herself.
She does nothing around the apartment. She keeps borrowing my cloths and not washing them, she just adds it to my dirty laundry. She doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean! She does NOTHING!!! It seems like I have to be on her for everything ALL THE TIME!!! and it’s getting on my nerves.
I mean it’s ridiculous! Madame Joy, how can I get my roommate to step up and become more responsible?
Not Mr. Clean!
Dear Not Mr. Clean!
Thank You!
See de ole me woulda say something like this:
Yuh wretch yuh, who de ass sen yuh? ah bet yuh wish yuh mother was dey now eh!
I sure your mother tell you about that gyul and yuh didn’t want tuh listen. ah sure!!!
Since she is yuh best friend ah know yuh see dem traits in she aready, so doh act all surprise now. She doh have no respect fuh you an dat not going tuh change unless yuh do something about it. Now you have tuh be the mother? How yuh like it? Yuh wanted independence? Well take dat in yuh tail!
But the new me would like to say this:
Although this is something you both should have discussed prior to making this major step, it is not to late to try and come to an understanding. I think it’s only fair that you sit this individual down and have a heart to heart. Let her know how you feel. Let her know what your expectations are. Let her know what you expect and get her wants and expectations also. When that fails and it will. I think it only right that I must provide you with some other alternatives and prepare you for some other eventualities!
- First of all let me tell yuh someting… this is the beginning of the end of dis best friend relationship eh! Living together is one ah de top ways yuh could ruin a friendship. We go get intuh money another time eh!
- Yuh doh want she to borrow yuh cloths anymore, Gyul go and get some ah dat ting dey does use to insulate de house and rub it on the inside of yuh cloths when she ask yuh tuh borrow it. (ah hope she does ask eh!) . If she ask yuh if yuh cloths does make yuh itch, tell she yuh change yuh detergent! Am it does without saying that you should wear gloves and gyul doh be chuppid enough tuh wear it before yuh roommate eh!
- She doh cook? Well start cooking fuh one and yuh go see how fas she go learn.
- She doh wash she dishes, use disposable dishes (Greenpeace doh come after me) and keep dem in yuh room. Somebody have tuh wash it if dey need to use it. it better not blasted well be you. Ah watchin yuh!!!
- Last and most importantly: start saving yuh damn movney and get yuh own place when yuh lease up eh! Save yuhself the stress of breaking somebody else in.
An young lady have some respect when you writing me! doh use no capital letters with me ah might be ole buh ah know what it mean! Doh raise your voice at me!
Oh gosh baby, give de gyul a little credit nah, it sound like she does pay she rent. ah mean since yuh didn’t mention it dat mean she does do it.
Dat jus make meh tink about if I ever have tuh live with Tulip. Boy she so ungrateful and rude dat she would never clean up after me. I mean I giving she de honor of living with me an look what I get. I have tuh clean up after mehself but we good on the food because she cyah cook fuh one.
Well sweetheart ah hope de two ah me was able tuh help yuh today. Live long and prosper… more when yuh live alone doh! Jus’ Sayin’
Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity
p.s. technically is alright fuh she tuh put the cloths she borrow from you in your hamper eh. After all is your cloths. Jus’ Sayin’!
p.s. 2 d p.s: I would also recommend that you tell you mother all that is happening. I am sure that she is worried her baby being out there on our her own. ah gyul dis will give she a nice big laugh an lord the “I told you so” that you go get will be phenomenal!
Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you! Well except on the occasions when when we not!
Madame Joy
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“JoySpirations”© is an almost daily/weekly, could possibly be more that once a day, definitely at least monthly advice column syndicated in one location across the country. All opinions expressed in this column is that of the inspirational Madame Joy and not the publisher. The advice is meant to encourage you so that you may become one with your aura. If it does not work, “Oh Well… Sorry!”.