Dear Madame Joy,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have three kids and a beautiful home. I love my husband and I love my kids, the problem is that I get no help from any of them. They don’t cook, they don’t clean. They do absolutely nothing to help me around the house. I have to hurry home to cook supper or stay up later to cook if I’m going to be late the next day. If I don’t cook they complain, if they have no clean cloths they complain to me.
So I am constantly doing laundry and cooking and while they sit and watch TV or play games.
Madame Joy want do I need to do to get them to help me around the house?
Maid in Manhattan
Dear Maid in Manhattan,
Thank you!
This is so simple, I’m just embarrassed to answer it.
I am sure this has been the topic of many discussions in your home. So now discussion done and you simply… STOP COOKING and STOP CLEANING!!! No warning. Just Do It! Just get up in the morning, get yourself ready and leave.
Before we can fix them, we have to fix you. You Madame are part of the problem. You have created this. They would not expect you to do these things if you did not program them to that way. So you have to do a reverse Total Recall. Instead of programming the fantasy, this time you’re going to program the reality.
A simple note “No clean = no cook, no internet, no TV, no games” is all you need to post on the fridge. All you owe them little bastards is food and care. That doh mean you have to cook. Ramen noodles baby!!! You are not obligated to entertain them. Besides the more you talk to them, the easier it is for their irrational logic to sink into your head and somehow they start making you think that you are the unreasonable one.
You’re not looking for a Martha Steward abode but if the house not clean, you do not cook! You do this for at least one week. They forget very easily. Make yourself a nice meal and let them fend for themselves. Don’t worry, they’re not going to starve themselves.
They’ll try to break you down, don’t let them. They want to go out in public looking like they have no owner. Let them!!! In fact you make sure you dress up nice and look like you have money and broughtupsy. Introduce them as your family from the bush if necessary. Let people know that they just want to see how civilized people look and dress, so that they can aspire to be like them one day in the future.
What about the comments and looks, you ask? Who cares. They are probably in a worse place than you anyways Screw them!!!
The days of jooking board done long time! That lovely creation called a washing machine put an end to that. Line them up, show them how to separate their cloths. Don’t forget to show them the difference in the various receptacles on the washing machine, if not, that could come back to haunt you. Show them the start button on both the washes and dryer. You must do both, failing to do so will lead to unnecessary interaction.
Most mothers suffer from what I call the Puss-In-Boots syndrome, so for God’s sakes woman, DON’T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES!!! Doing so has the potential to cause emotional hypochronicalitis and you will wither just like those sea creatures in The Little Mermaid.
The kids, they are gonna be more of a challenge. The husband, he won’t be too difficult. Here’s a secret, don’t let them fool you. They know exactly what they doing. They jus like to act like they chupid and the women accept it and continue on making excuses fuh dem!.
Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity.
p.s. Mrs. Maid, the only thing you have to do is pay taxes and die. You don’t control the death thing and the blasted government make you pay even when you’re dead. Just saying!
Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you!
Madame Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice:
Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern… like bad wallpaper.