Dear Madame Joy,

I realize that you are not the typical advice columnist so I feel comfortable asking you this question.I noticed you use a lot of flowers for your column, so I feel you are a kindred spirit.  My name is Joy and I love gardening. I own a home and my dream house has a nice sun-room where I can go relax any time of the year. I start my plants indoors in the spring so that when it finally warms up I have a nice sized plant and I will get my flowers earlier and I can enjoy them longer. The problem is that I am not living in that dream house at the moment, so I don’t have the sun-room. Since I have no sun room, I have to settle for a make shift nursery that takes over part of my kitchen/dining room area for about a month and a half.
My boyfriend and I are moving in together and  he has been hinting that he does not want me to do my nursery this spring or make it a little smaller. Apparently he wants someplace to sit and eat. I mentioned it to my friends and they are siding with him. Madame Joy should I change a long standing tradition simply because he is moving in.
Dirty Joy

Dear Dirty Joy,
Thank you!

First of all, Luuuvvvv the name.
Girl, I not hoity toity like them other advise people eh! You could ask me anything! Well almost anything cause you have some real perverse people out dey and I doh want dem two lip to ask me anything. Yeah, as I was saying… Ha!  Two Lip! 
No Tulip, is not me writing under a pseudonym, my mother is not the only woman to name she child Joy. (I mean technically it wouldn’t really be a pseudonym eh because is the same name, jus saying!)
Is a real small world boy because even more coincidental, I seem to have a similar issue. I love gardening to. I could feel yuh pain, yuh know the time coming and yuh itching cause it taking too long. Dem people just doh understand what it like to sit by dat window in the spring time and visually measure the snow every day to see how much melt. Dey will never get it.

Second let me tell you this. You need to get rid a dem dam friends and dem eh, forget dem, dey no good, dey just jealous. Why you want to give up on such a long standing tradition? I mean he have a place to sit an eat the other months ah de year and I sure he could sit somewhere else in the mean time. He know you does do this every year. If he doh like it, he should build you a dam sun room cause I know he know you want one. My great Master Yoda said “Do or do not, there is no try. So what dem friends and dem deed to DO is to shut up an put dey money wey dey mouth is and help you to build said sun-room. Dey just selfish!!

You providing the world Oxygen, removing deadly Carbon Dioxide. Without Oxygen, dem same ungrateful people would suffocate.They should be thanking you!

You need to leave dat man. De man obviously selfish. If he really luv you, he would let you bring the bags a dirt in de house so you can start growing your babies. They are you babies aren’t they, I know sweetheart, I know. You should be free to dig uh hand in as much dirt as yuh want.

They will bring up the fact that yuh plants cyah keep you warm at night, well dey damn lie. Remember Bram Stokers Dracula? The count would travel around with he own dirt and guess what your plants grow in… that’s right dirt!!!. All you have to do is to keep yours nice an warm. You could curl up and roll up in that and you good, yuh nice and warm. But am just shower in the morning before you go to work eh. Aint’t nobody want tuh smell dat. If all else fails we do offer The Heated Man Substitute Blanket.  Here are Joyspirations we aim to always have an alternative. We guarantee nothing eh, so doh get too excited!

To break it down:
1) So you have to maintain you decorum
2) Get rid ah dat man
3) Definitly get rid ah dem friends an dem. 
4) Start a gofundme account. I mean if people could give Kanye West money, who is you? A plus to this is that when the man decide to leave you at least you’ll have some money to build yuh sun-room so that wen the next man come you doh have the same problem. Jus Saying!

Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity.

p.s. if the man leave yuh because he doh appreciate yuh dirty habit, doh write me back an tell me nuttin eh. Is not my fault that you wotless. The man doh want too much bush on he woman or in he house. Is a suggestion I make, I mean is the right one but still, ah have to cater for ignorance. Jus Saying!

Madame Joy,
Joyspirations© Daily Advise: Even the great leader Sitting Bull agrees: Behold, my friends, the spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love! Meaning shut up and let the people plant!