Dear Madame Joy,
My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have three kids and a beautiful home. I love my wife and I love my kids, the problem is that I get no opportunity to help around the house. My wife does all the cooking and cleaning and just won’t give up any control. She hurries home just to make sure she does all the cooking for not only our dinner but also other meals later on during the week! Another problem is my wife constantly nags me and the kids for not helping, but we can’t get the chance! And don’t even get me going on laundry! It’s so bad me and the kids and I started hiding our dirty clothes so we can try to wash them ourselves but my wife then started hiding the soap! So here we are now in a scenario where I’m watching TV just wishing I could add value around the home and the kids are forced to play X-Box all damn day.
Madame Joy want do I need to do to get my wife to ease up and share some of the burden?
Humble Hubby
P.S. If that crazy wife of mine writes in she’s lying! She is known to complain, and blow things out of proportion. I mean maybe not as much as that anti-social, diagonal sandwich cutting crazy complainer who writes in all time, but pretty close.
Dear Humble Hubby
Thank you!
Your answer too is very simple. If you reeeeallyyy want to help. Tie her up!
Well Mr. Humble it seems you have the opposite problem of our previous enlightenment seeker. You have the triflingohmygoshnobodyhelpsmedoanythingeventthoughtheydon’tgiveanybodyelseadamnchancetohelpcontrollingfemales!
Yesterday we had a woman at her wits end reach out for help and I told her she was too blame and Mr. Humble, I must say you also have your part to play in this.
You see, when a man wants a woman, they will show them their good side, once that milk is coming for free, then the crotch scratching, game watching, don’t do nothing but sit on his ass all day while drinking his beer side of him comes out of hibernation. The woman on the other hand, she shows you from the very beginning that she is a control freak and you just sit back and say/do nothing because all you see is the free flowing milk of the future.
So, Sir this is all on you. You should have developed lactose intolerance. Now you’re stuck, sorry.
But fear not. Try these suggestions. Keep offering but each time your voice should get lower until it’s barely audible but make sure you get a response from her. Just kind of appear when she’s doing something, make some weird motion with your hands, like you’re doing something useful. Say something like, “let me know if you need more help” and leave.
Walk into the kitchen when she’s there, take out a pot, put it one counter or stove and then just put it back (of course when she’s facing the other way) and leave the kitchen.
When she’s doing laundry, go in the laundry room and ask her a question about the detergent she’s using or something ridiculous . Let her answer, pass her a piece of laundry and leave (but only after she say thank you). Always make sure she acknowledges you!
When she complains that you are not helping her, that’s when the mind games come in. Just say “I know sweetheart, but I’m just a bit tired. Remember you asked me to do that thing? Well I did it and I’m just a bit tired, just gimme a few minutes”. Of course she’s gonna ask “what thing?”, that’s when you bring up the “conversations”. Since you were always in her peripheral vision at some point, how can she say anything without second guessing herself. You know women like to be right, so she will never admit that you made a fool of her.
By the way, what the bloody hell are you complaining about? Hell if you don’t want her I will take her. I’m pretty sure you never complained to your friends about this “problem”. They will sell your ass out faster than you can down that beer or get to the next level of your game. Before they even close their doors, they’ll tell their wives, which means your wife will find out and once that Estrogen train start a chugging… Need I say more!!!
Not to mention the kids, you’ll have a rebellion on your hands once they find out that you Mr. Humble is the cause of all their extra work. You’ll have to watch your back in your own house. Let them know you changed the beneficiaries on your life insurance.
If he really wanted to, a real man would make it a point to make sure that he gets home before she does and have everything prepared. A word of warning, want to guarantee your own death. Keep calling your wife crazy. You’ve also set up her case for getting off on an insanity plea after she helps you to reach another kind of peace. This peace will be permanent!
So simply put, sit down, shut up and enjoy!
Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity.
p.s. Mr. Humble, you better watch you back jack. No woman likes a humble man for long, wanna give her something to push around? Get her damn a Dyson. There may be someone else in the background that’s not as humble as you. Just saying!
Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you!
Madame Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice:
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! Put that in yuh pipe and smoke it!