Dear Madame Joy,
My husband and I have a very active toddler. She’s always getting into something, climbing on something or running somewhere. There’s never a moments rest when she’s awake.
The other day I walked into my bedroom to find my beautiful little girl sitting on the floor besides my dresser covered in talcum powered with nail polish all over my hardwood floor (she was painting).
To say I was upset was an understatement, I started yelling at her and my husband came into the room and started yelling at me. He swears that she did not know what she was doing and I should be a bit more patient with her, she’s only 2. We did not speak for the rest of the night. This is always an issues with us,  he thinks I’m too strict and always takes her side and makes me out to be the monster parent.
Madame Joy, how do I get my husband to be more of a disciplinarian with our daughter?
Georgia of the Jungle!

Dear Georgia of the Jungle,
Thank You!

Now yuh see back in de days dat child woulda get what people would call ah “cutass!” dat is what the foreigners call ah spanking.
Ever since ah read the book “The Secret”, I find a kinder, gentler, more considerate side of me. Now I more impartial and I look at things from all sides and give unbiased non violent advise. So from now on,  instead of being “anti” I will be “pro” in my advice.

So in this case I will be “pro” toddler. Now first of all, I think that your child should be taken away from you. You put your child’s  life in danger. Instead of making it easier for the poor child to reach these things, you make dat chile have to climb up on de dresser to get to de things and dem. Dat dresser coulda fall down on the chile. You KNOW the chile fass and would more than likely try something like that. So is your fault! Doh blame teh chile, ah sure is not the first toddler you meet.

As fuh yuh husband yuh should leave him! He chuppid! I already tell allyuh that children is a bunch ah ganstas, I warn allyuh and your husband taking the side of that gangsta over yours! Leave his ass and leave de chile with him too! What kinda chuppidness is dat?

Is dem kinda parents yuh does want to kick in dey head when dey bring out dem blasted unruly children dat does act like dey have no broughtupsy and dey never see the outdoors. oh Lord sorry ah slipping. Gyul back back, Tulip just watching and waiting fuh me tuh fall but I go show she!!!

“She doh know what she was doing?” doh let dem creatures fool you. Yuh husband gullible… ah tell yuh tuh leave him yet?  Dey know good and well what dey doing. Dey not chuppid,  is de adults dat chupid, dey fall fuh the cuteness too easy, them little gangstas know all the tricks does fall fuh dey tricks.

Imagine if Chucky was a cute baby! Just imagine the body count. Jus’ Sayin’!

Doh know wha dey doing indeed!!!

Yuh need to do like me. Jus  be calm and gather evidence against them. Yuh see I walk in my room and my favourite son and he twin sister was  covered from head to toe in Vaseline petroleum jelly an meh daughter wearing my eye mask like a bikini bottom! an yuh shoulda see the smile. Oh lord dey was too cute!!! Did I get angry? No, I laughed the maniacal laugh of a parent who want tuh reach out an touch but can’t and then grab meh camera an take a picture. Dat is just one piece in my blackmail treasure chest, fuh when they come an tell me dey putting me in a home!

An by the way dey didn’t have tuh climb up nothing eh, dey could reach everything from the floor so no child endangerment there.

Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity!

p.s. He always takes her side, seriously how old are you.

p.s.2.d.p.s : I doh want you tuh feel to bad eh because as ah parent ah feel yuh pain. Gyul a glass/bottle a wine goes a long way when them creatures go down. Eh, doh get excited, ah mean sleep!

Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you! Well except on the occasions when when we not!
Madame Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice:
The soul feels what the mind ignores. So doh feel because you ignoring it, it will go away. FACE IT! Jus’ Sayin’

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“JoySpirations”© is an almost daily/weekly, could possibly be more that once a day, definitely at least monthly advice column syndicated in one location across the country. All opinions expressed in this column is that of the inspirational Madame Joy and not the publisher. The advice is meant to encourage you so that you may become one with your aura. If it does not work, “Oh Well… Sorry!”.