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Dear Madam Joy,
I am a divorced mother of two.  My ex-husband and I do not get along. He’s as broke now as he was when we first met. My friends kept pushing me to take him to court in order to get child support from him. I finally did this and there was a judgement rendered against him. Now he claims that after he pays his rent, he barely has money to last him until his next pay check. I think he’s just completely useless and I told him to stay away from us until he can be a man and actually afford to take care of his children. When he calls, I tell him the girls are busy and that he needs to step up and be the father they deserve.

Madame Joy , the issue is the girls love him and I feel bad keeping them away from him. How do I  set a balance so that my girls can see their Daddy and I at least have the satisfaction of getting what I deserve from him
Daddy’s girls

Dear Daddy’s girls!
Thank You!

I will start by saying something that my mother told me when I was younger. “Don’t depend on a man to take care of yuh children” . This I believe goes either way. You have some women out there that well… let’s just leave it dey eh. Tulip reading and she tink I hate women, so I will cut meh comment short.

Who’s the fool? The fool or the fool that follow the fool? Now if his ass was broke when you meet him and you had a chile with him. After you have de first one he was broke. Now please, tell me why, why, why, you go an have another child with him when he was, as you say, still broke? Dem creatures not cheap yuh know! How allyuh was going and feed and clothe dem?

If the man was broke when yuh meet him and broke when yuh leave him, commonsense would dictate that since the court taking money from him then LORD WOMAN!!! Now THE MAN BRUKER!!!

Children  deserve a father that loves and cares for them, if he loves them then doh destroy that bond. After a while he will stop trying to see those girls and they are going to miss out on a father and  both you and them will become bittererer and angrier (lord help the next man you deal with), who is losing out then? The only victims here, are those children. You is a big hard back woman, you need to handle yuh own stories. Next thing you know they grow and go and find some loser men who does treat them like crap all because dey still looking for a Daddy!

Allyuh know I is only a semi fan ah dem gangstas eh but oh gosh doh do dat nah! Ok you tink the man is a  backside, fine, get over yuhself and pull up yuh big girl panties and look out fuh dem children.

When yuh listen to the wisdom of the ole people, you learn from their mistakes. Ask yourself if it’s worth it.  Is it more important to the right or to be happy?

See allyuh know I doh like to gossip eh but, I have this friend right and she have a baby for this man right and den she find out dat de man have a child with this other woman right but when she ask him about it he say it wasn he own and de woman lie. But yuh know when she see the other child the child was the spitting image ah this man. She cuss him out and leave him and she raising the child on she own. But guess what, she does still let the man see the child. Why? Not fuh him because we could well see he is ah backside but because the little boy know his father and love his father and the jackass actually love his son.

It hard to start off but it go get easier. Would I lie to you? No, I would not. I go lie to Tulip right to she face but dat is another story entirely!

Now unless this is somebody who is harmful to you or your children’s safety then what is going on?  You have no business keeping the man from he children. Yuh said he was broke but nowhere in your letter did you say he was a bad father.  He is dey father, you have issues with him deal with it. Doh punish yuh children. If the man chuppid, they will figure it out on dey own. In the end you go get the blame for them not having a relationship with dey father.

Allyuh tink children do know what going on but trust me dey know more than allyuh give them credit for.
An by the way watch out fuh dem frien and dem eh, dey doh always have yuh best interest at heart. Jus Sayin!

Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity!

p.s. As a parent, mother or father, you have the obligation to take care of your children. The minute we become parents it’s all about what’s best for dem creatures. Jus Sayin!

Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you!

Madame Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice: 

As much as we do for our children,  always remember that taking care of yourself is part of what’s best for your children.