Foreword: We apologize for the delay, our staff took part in the rotating labor strike earlier this morning. They have since been replaced.
Dear Madame Joy
I am the mother of a 16 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. I love my kids to death but there are some days when my husband and I wish we were childless.
My son turns into a demon child once he hits the school grounds. I am so fed up of getting calls from the school that I am tempted to turn off my phone.
I really believe that once these kids hit 13 some of their synapses stop firing. My daughter actually called me at work one day to ask me where she would find the butter.
They leave the house looking like they have no owner. I have to yell at them to help around the house, to clean up after themselves, basically for everything.
Things that I would never dare doing with my parents. I miss the good old discipline.
Children of the corn
Dear Children of the corn,
Thank you!
Your solution is very simple… beat them!!!
Today’s kids are not scared of their parents. As a child I was scared of my mother. My fear was not based on what she did but what I thought she would do. Hell, if she pissed me off I made sure I was far away before I made any comment, be it verbal or mental. Even then I still figured that she would know. Fear does that to you.
We get blackmailed in to thinking that babies are cute but they’re not!!! Babies are gangsters, you know it’s true. Look what they extort from your before they can even speak. They use those toothless grins to get to you. Once the “aaawwwww” comes out of your trap, that’s it game over. Just like the Grinch, you’re done!.
They say the problem with babies start when they start to crawl, that my dear is a bold face lie. The problem starts when the utter their first words. I firmly believe that children should not be allowed to talk until they are 18. Then you can kick them out and feel no way. Any time before that, they should be using sign language.
You need to nip this in the bud but since you obviously failed to do that, we’ll have to clip it a branch at at time. Take that little sucker on a “vacation”, just you and him. Once you get to your destination, buss his ass. Turn around and get on the next return flight home. Let him know that you are watching him. Any more calls from the school and he’ll be taking another trip. This trip will involve a cabin in the middle of nowhere, with guess what NO WI-FI (worse than death). Of course we’ll have cameras set up and an electric fence so that he can’t get out. I mean the wild animals can’t get in. Oh yeah and food to, you still have to feed him.
As for the girl, forget her. Let Daddy deal with that one. Put all your money on the boy. He’ll take care of you.
Once you attained the ultimate level of scaring the crap out of them, everything will be fine.
Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity.
p.s: Get another cell phone, give that number to the school. You never need to answer it. Worry not, if it’s a real emergency, they have your husband as an emergency contact.
p.s to the p.s : Be careful remember r what happened to the adults in Children of the corn. Just saying!
Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you!
Vnilla Joy
Joyspirations© Daily Advice:
The only thing scarier than these modern children is knowing that they will grow up to be the adults that take care of us. Plan your future well people!