Dear Madame Joy,

I have suspected for a while that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I caught him a few lies about his whereabouts and a last month I actually saw him holding hands walking in to a restaurant with another woman. This woman was a mutual friend of ours. I was devastated.
I told my friends and they all say I should leave him. Once a cheat always a cheat. They’re are even pushing me to burn his cloths, key his car, slash his tires and other things of that nature. The more they suggests, the angrier I get and the closer I feel I am to actually doing it.
I finally decided to break up with him because the trust is broken.  I even thought of shaming him on Facebook, I want to get the word out before he cheats on someone else.

Madame Joy, what should I do to get through this?
Before he cheats

Dear After he heats,
Thank you!

Ahhh friends!!! How many of us have them? Friends, you gotta love them. Yuh friends chuppid.  Now we know Tulip is a hooligan, so she will agree with your friends and dem but we live in a world where Judge Judy does make women pay when dey do something chuppid. Now if your friends going with you to destroy the man property then, knock yuh self out man. Wen the police come after your ass for property damage, dey go help you pay fuh it!

This remind me of that Carrie Underwood song. You know the first time that song come out. I thought it was a chuppid song. Mind you I sing out loud and with fervour when it come on. What??? It have a nice beat! in fact I have it on my Ipod. Here is this woman encouraging other women to destroy other people property.  She could afford to pay for that damage eh. Jus Sayin!

“so you dug your keys into the side of his pretty little supped up 4 wheel drive
after the judgement you find out the years it will take you to pay fuh it is five“

We are cultured women. Contrary to how some ah dem does act, women smart.
We deny it but in most cases we do know, we have that feeling when we men cheating.

You should have followed them into the restaurant and ask them if they were planning your surprise birthday party. This would have put an end to your questions right then and there. He coulda gone straight home with Kim!

The next time he come home a little later than he should and you have that feeling, here’s what you do. Whether you usually do it or now, I want you to serve him his meal. Sit across from him and just kinda stare of into space and smile. Then he ask you what you smiling at, just say, “Nothing”. That is his clue that it is something, jus watch his eyes!!! Guilt is a funny things eh.

Now I doh know if you ever had a colonoscopy but dey does give you dis liquid to drink and lord things does come of you that you didn’t even know you had in you. And is a clear liquid too. So you need to make him some love juice. When his ass on the bowl and it will be on the bowl, that is when you pack up, NOT BURN!!!, remember cultured woman, his things. This is when you inform him of what you saw, put de cloths outside and tell him to go call Kim. Who the hell is Kim? It won’t take him long to figure it out.

Now if before you can give him that intestinal cleanse, he happen to be sleeping and you just happen to have this urge to sweep the house at 2 am and the broom handle in yuh hand happen to fall on some part of him during his sleep. Then jus apologize, tell him yuh slip he should go back to sleep. Then plan fuh his ass!

Even if he wasn’t with Kim that night, yuh done know he fooling about with she, so doh feel bad.
Now you cry and get it out of your system and move on. It takes two to make a relationship work. Think about what happened in the relationship that could have lead to this end. Find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be.
I not blaming yuh eh, I doh want no feminist people writing me and telling me nothing.

Follow these simple steps and you too will attain happiness and clarity.

p.s. Now you and I both know that this Facebook business is not about warning other women, is about revenge.  Doh do it. Lord allyuh people always airing allyuh dirty laundry online. Unless is life or death, STOP IT!!!Just Sayin!

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