Dear Madame Joy,
Yesterday I got into a “discussion” with this woman at a mall food counter. This woman was a bit aggravated at the server because the young man did not cut her sandwich diagonally. Personally I think as long as the sandwich tastes good it does not matter how it’s cut, besides I was hungry and this lady was holding up the line because she wanted another one made.
The young man refused and she became belligerent. That’s when she and I got into it because she refused to budge and I was annoyed. I kinda shoved her out of the way so I could pay for my sandwich and be on my way. Did I mention I was hungry?The long and short of it is that we both ended up getting kicked out of the mall.
Since I was still hungry, I just kicked her and walked away to get my lunch elsewhere.
Madame Joy, have you ever heard of this ridiculous sandwich phenomenon and was I wrong to react the way I did?
Sandwichgate
Dear Sandwichgate,
Thank you!
Just like the question of whether a hot dog is a sandwich. This is one of those deep discussions that can have worldwide impact. I will do my best to maintain world peace. I won’t stop until everybody feels safe having a sandwich anywhere accross the world.
While I do understand the source of your frustration , as the man said “A hungry man is an angry man!”. I feel I must tell you a little sandwich cutting truth. In time travel, you must do your utmost not to upset the space time continuum. The slightest change will affect the molecular structure of time and things will never be the same.
The same goes for cutting a sandwich. In order to achieve and maintain the molecular structure of the sandwichular continuum, The sandwich MUST, MUST, MUST ABSOLUTLY MUST, BE CUT DIAGONALLY. Doing so ensure the equilibrium of the of the mouth to sandwich ration . The triangular shape allows you to bite the sandwich at narrowest point and you then have the option of how you shall continue to enjoy it. A rectangular shaped sandwich just does not allow the same enjoyment. It just does not. It’s just simple geometry.
My mother always told me you don’t kick, people or animals and you don’t slap anyone in their face. Any other body part well , it’s open season. So I know your mother taught you better than that. Why kick the woman? You are non-diagonally challenged so you do not understand the perplexity of the requirement to have your sandwiches cut diagonally.
They don’t have pills for this. It can’t just be cured by forcing an individual to accept a sandwich that is incorrectly cut. Yes I said it!
Follow this new knowledge and you too will attain happiness and clarity. And a better tasting sandwich.
p.s. I feel that i must educate those non believers out there. They must know the truth or there will be anarchy. Long live the diagonal cut! Just saying!
Thank you for selecting us as your emotional crisis advisor. We are here for you!
Vnilla Joy
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There is a right way and a wrong way and then there’s the way I say it should be done!